Praėjo amžinybė, bet aš ir vėl čia. Mano planuose tai turėjo ivykti ankščiau, bet jei veniems coronos situacija padėjo su rašymu - man atvirkščiai. Norėdama tai pakeist, užsirašiau į creative writing internetinius kursus, ir esu priversta parašyti bent vieną istoriją per savaitę, kas ir vėl man priminė rašymo džiaugsmą ir nusprendžiau tuo pasidalinti ir čia ;)
I slowly open my eyes and it feels like the hardest job in the whole world. Straightaway I am hit by the bright light wave that makes me close my eyes again. It feels just like the first seconds waking up after the deepest sleep. I can still feel my brain in the sleeping mode, still not working as I try to figure out my body and the space I am. Everything around me feels strange and empty, and I can feel that I am not at home. My whole body doesn't want to function just like my brain, it feels that someone just pressed the turn off button in me. An empty space with minds and soul lost inside.
Still with my closed eyes I try to concentrate and listen, try to move my hands, my body and to feel what is around me, what sounds I can hear instead of that strange non stopping noise in my ears exactly the one you hear when you are back from a night out in a club with loud music. When you are back in your bed, you know it's quiet, but it's not, at least not in your head. I try to move my fingers and can feel some stiff bedding material. At least now I can tell that I am laying in bed, but who knows in which.
I try to open my eyes again, now even slower than before, expecting to be hit and get blind by the bright light waves again. This time it's better, this time I know what to expect, at least from the light coming somewhere from the window. It's definitely a sunlight. You can never get this bright light from the light bulb. Never. After a few seconds, that felt like forever I finally started to see some shapes, and objects in the room. It's just like seeing something for the first time, and not knowing the names for every object I can see.
"Concentrate '' I'm repeating it over and over in my head. I need to concentrate. I need to know what is happening. I need to know where I am as my feelings are starting to awaken and I can feel the anxiety that is starting to build inside me. Inside my broken body, broken me.
As my eyes and vision are getting better I also start to hear things, it's getting clear, the beeping, the steps outside, the breathing close to me. I slightly turn my head to the side where I can hear and feel the breathing, the existence of other human beings. It's a middle aged woman. I can see her face, I see her looking into me, excited or maybe confused, she is waiting for something, for something that I should do or say. I can see her, I see her face expression and eyes, but at the same time it feels that I cannot see her as I don't know who she is. And I should know. I know that for sure.
I can see her getting up from whatever she was sitting on, and getting closer to me. Our faces are close enough now for me to see every wrinkle on her face, even with my hurting and not so good working eyes. She is analyzing my face the same way as I am analyzing hers. But I know she knows me, she doesn't need to go through any face database in her head to remember me. I’m on the other hand going through every single drawer in my head and trying to find her.
- How are you?- she asks with a soft and friendly voice.
I open my mouth, trying to say something, but instead some undefined sound comes out of it. I don’t even have an idea what I would have said. Am I good? Definitely that's not the case. But am I not good? I don't know. I just know that I know nothing.
- Can you remember anything? - I hear her voice again.
What I need to remember? Is the first question that pops out in my head. My memories, where are they? It's a chaos, chaos in my head that gets worse with every second. My eyes move from the known stranger and fixes into the ceiling. The annoying sound is back into my ears and into my head, now mixes with the beeping sound.
Hospital. This is a hospital. What else can it be? My eyes have closed without my permission. I'm falling down into the darkness. I close my eyes stronger and try to stop the falling. I cannot fall.
"Mind, use your power. Spirit, use your wings”, I can hear a song in my ears. There is no more beeping sound. I can see and feel now. I can see a night road with a night sky in front of me, the trees running on the right side. And his smile on the left side. I feel happy. I smile looking at him. He turns his eyes from the road to smile back at me. We change a smile and both go back looking into the road.
But there is no more night sky. Two bright lights. And they are coming towards us.